


“it’s been three whole days since i’ve had sleep,”

by zacefronspants



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Langst, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, just not explicitly mentioned - Freeform, lance is a mess, lance let’s keith beat him up, lance likes being used, the klance IS established
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-08 21:16:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15938462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zacefronspants/pseuds/zacefronspants
Summary: Lance likes being used. Likes being useful.orlance doesn’t deal with his own shit but helps other people out





	“it’s been three whole days since i’ve had sleep,”

**Author's Note:**

> i didn’t include shiro because i couldn’t think of what lance would let shiro use him for tbh
> 
> also lance knows full well that letting someone beat the fuck out of you isn’t normal, as do i so im sorry about it

**01.**

It's late and it makes his chest ache in the worst of ways; the subtle seeping of dread into his bones while he’s walking towards the observatory. He can taste bitter Altean tea on his tongue that Hunk forced down his throat because, “You look tired, bro. Have you been sleeping?” And no, he hasn't, but Hunk doesn't need to know because they all their own issues and don't need to hear about how Lance claws his thighs until they're shimmery and red because he can't stop crying about how badly he misses his mom and how everything was before the lions. Before Shiro went missing. Before being catapulted into a thousand year space war. Just, before, before, _before._

He pinches his cheeks and shakes those thoughts away because he has to focus, he promised Coran he would let him show Lance how to probably plot stars because the Earth's way was wrong. He smiles to himself when he sees Coran hunched over a large book, mumbling to himself about the stars and it makes a warmth settle over him. When he approaches him slowly and makes himself known like he's trying not to scare him.

Coran looks up for a fleeting moment before patting the empty chair next to him and saying, “Come my boy!” And it's good, it's calming almost. Makes the restlessness in his bones settle for a moment.

If this makes Coran happy and forget about the unavoidable effects of war, then Lance can set everything aside for a bit and learn about the stars where they should go. 

**02.**

There's an aching in his bones as he walks towards what could be considered the kitchen. Hunk mentioned, in passing, that they were gonna stop on a the planet below them and get some fresh ingredients and asked if Lance would test out some recipes. Lance couldn't deny him, no matter how dead on his feet he was. Lance pinches the palm of his hand in attempt to shake off the heavy feeling of exhaustion when he stops in front of the kitchen.

Hunk's got flour (he thinks it's the alien equivalent of flour, at least) on his round cheeks and it makes him smile crookedly. Lance leans against the frame and just watches Hunk knead and roll the dough for a good while, letting a wave of contentment wash over him and settle the overhanging dread in his brain. “Hey, you need some help?” Lance asks gently because Hunk will either tell him to fuck off or tell him he just wants him to just sit and talk to him. Hunk looks up and nods enthusiastically, pointing to a cutting board littered with weird shaped vegetables and asks him to cut them and to be careful because Lance is dumb and will slice himself open somehow.

Hunk didn't call him dumb, but it was there. 

They stay like this, Hunk gently guiding Lance on how to dice and cube while he talks about how much he's dreading the next time the alarm sounds off because he's terrified one of them won't make it back in one piece or one of them will die before they have a chance to cram them into a healing pod. It sets Lance's teeth on edge, but he powers through and does what he best; make horribly off handed jokes and puns until Hunk is giggling and laughing and wiping the flour from his face.

Lance grins and ignores the bubbling feeling in his chest in favor of trying to steal a piece of dough and letting Hunk swat at him.

**03.**

Lance isn't sleeping much anymore, he notes dully. He can feel it in his throat and the way it's thick with exhaustion, can taste it on his tongue when swallows or licks his lips. And he knows Pidge needs him to stay still or they'll accidentally shock him, but he's starting to sway due to lack of sleep and truth be told, he kind of wants Pidge’s new experiment to shock him and chase the exhaustion out of his bones out. He blinks rapidly and realizes that Pidge has been asking him to switch positions for the last few ticks, but he was so lost in his head that they had to turn Lance themselves. He says a soft sorry and finished repositioning himself and asks what this new modification is for.

He smiles when Pidge grins up at him, all teeth and excitedly explains that they've added a new tracker so in case he gets lost or kidnapped they can find him. Lance nods and let's Pidge continue to explain that they've got everyone else's suits ready for the tracker, but they want to work out the kinks and then they smile gently and apologize for the amount of kinks still in it.

Lance smiles toothily and just spits out an old recycled joke and let's Pidge knock his shin with their screwdriver and forces himself to stay awake long enough to be somewhat _useful._

**04.**

There's an itch worming it's way to the surface whenever he starts to dive too deeply into his head. The clawing on his thighs is getting worse, to the point he has to keep using creams to stop the scabbing. He smacks his cheeks and powers down towards the control room, hoping to have beat Allura there so he has some time to put some semblance of a smile on his face before he listens to her gush about the newest gossip the mice have told her about. And it's not that he doesn't want to be there for the princess, he's just so tired and his thighs burn and he's constantly on the verge of crying. He doesn't know how to be helpful when he's like this.

When the gentle swish of the doors open he feels his chest tighten because Allura's there already and she's brought tea and food goo for them to share. He shakes his head and grins broadly at her when she notices him and returns the smile.

He skips over to her and carefully sits beside her, avoiding putting pressure on his thighs. She grins brightly and starts spilling out what she's heard and it makes Lance grin genuinely at her because she looks less sad, less worried about everything. Lance listens enraptured as she talks, the sinking feeling in his lungs lessens slightly.

They stay like that for hours, Allura chattering away until her voice is a little hoarse from talking. It's good. This is what he wants.

Everyone happy.

**05.**

Lance feels heavy when he walks towards the training deck. He doesn't know how long he slept last night or when the last time it was that he’d slept all night, he can't be half assed to think about it too long whenever he sees Keith already there and fucking around with his bayard. Lance knows what’s going to happen and he can’t be assed to care.

It was an accident the first time, Lance wasn’t paying attention to his right and Keith punched him so hard Coran demanded he stay in the med bay so he could assess Lance’s broken nose. Keith apologized profusely, but Lance could see that some sort of edge had been taken off the second the resounding crunch of Keith’s fist connecting with his face took off. So he let Keith, essentially, beat the fuck out of him. Lets Keith kick and punch him until Lance taps out and knows for sure he’s outta commission for a few days. Lets Keith have some semblance of control and outlet for anything he’s feeling. Lance doesn’t mind a few bruises and scrapes. Occasional broken bone. It’s good.

He knows tonight won’t be any different. Keith’s teeth are grinding and his face is a deep red, he’s pissed and Lance is gonna let him break his fingers just so he calms down.

They punch and kick and dodge and swipe at each other for hours before Lance stop trying and lets Keith grab his hands so hard he feels his knuckles pop out of place. Keith leans in so close Lance can count each eyelash and kisses him. Coaxes his mouth open and fucks his tongue into Lance’s mouth. Keith licks and sucks at Lance’s mouth and squeezes his hands harder, probably breaking something, Lance doesn’t know because Keith’s tongue is so hot and tastes like salt and candy and he can’t breathe.

Keith pulls his mouth off, and grins at him, saying, “Gotcha.” And something inside Lance breaks a little more. Lance blinks at him for a while before he asks Keith to let his fingers go because he wants to leave.

Keith kisses him one more time and says a soft apology and that he’ll meet him in the dining hall.

**+1**

Something inside him snapped. Something got wound too tightly and cracked, letting all the fragile pieces of Lance’s carefully constructed face crumble like they were nothing.

Lance opted to stay in his room and scratch and bite and pull at all parts of him until he wasn’t thinking about anything other than the dull pain all over his body. He’s crying when he drags himself to a mirror and takes in the black under eye circles he given himself due to lack of sleep, sees the blotchy red patterns all over his cheeks and neck because he’s been crying so hard his throat is raw. He didn’t mean to let it fester and boil this long (he did). He puts his hands over his eyes and counts to ten, trying desperately to stop fucking crying because he has no reason to cry. He just misses his mom and for whatever reason the Garrison. He misses garlic knots and the beach and comic books. He misses Keith before Voltron and the easy way they kissed and fucked in their rooms. Misses Pidge and the easy their smiles. Misses Hunk and his easily upset stomach. Misses Shiro and his hard, but soft leadership. Misses before, before, _before_.

But this is now and he’s crying harder and gagging because he’s so sad and tired. Lance slumps down and lies there, on his bathroom floor and cries until he can’t anymore and lets sleep wash over him.

When he wakes up Keith is holding him and stroking his head, a soft expression on his face. Lance feels his eyes well up and a wet, “I’m so tired, Keith,” tumbles out and Keith just nods and says, “Baby, you should have said it was this bad. I’m sorry we didn’t notice.” And it makes Lance cry.

Keith kisses him and tells him to sleep, so he does.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry this is a mess


End file.
